Halfway Decent Advice

Q.

Any ideas about how to get my kids to be grateful for what they have?

A.

Hi, so gratitude and the relevant practices is something I’ve thought about a lot in the past. I used to try so hard to be thankful for my shit show of a life, while comparing myself to others, in hindsight it was pretty freakin dumb – but gratitude’s not on my mind so much these days. I’m in a slightly different headspace. Still, thanks for the question as it’s serving as a bit of a reminder.

Nevertheless, gratitude hey, and specifically for young folks. Well, I’d say (if you’re able and willing) to primarily focus on some practical exercises (aka lived experiences) that can broaden the kid’s world view. To get them out n’ “aboot” and learn about this stuff first hand (I’ll explain more about this in a sec). I dunno, I just feel like sitting them down to ponder over this, or even by encouraging them to write down the things that they’re thankful for, these are practices that generally require a higher level of maturity. I mean, many adults struggle to process this stuff.

You have to let kids be able to experience “deep concepts” for themselves rather than just telling them stuff. Or, in essence, allowing kids to be kids.

Before getting into this too much though, I first want to say a few things. Like, I believe that we live in a social construct that encourages competition, greed, control and power (albeit in some segments of the community more so than others), and what has emerged from this is a rabid sense of entitlement. Admittedly, sure this isn’t with everyone but there really is a lot of it around. And hey, maybe it’s just a natural extension of the ego? Maybe from when we were born we were conditioned to expect a certain quality of life? Dunno.

Still, where I’m going with all this, well, it makes it kinda hard to be grateful for something that we expect is our right. Doesn’t it?

I’m just trying to put forward some ideas, and look I might be wrong – or I could even say that because of our market economies we are spoilt for choice these days. Comfort, a pizza and a pineapple pina colada is only a phone call away. Which sure I am getting a little side-tracked here but maybe this is some stuff worth exploring with your kids. Life was not always so abundant.

Okay, now to get back to these practical exercises. So sure you could go and do all the cliché activities like visiting a homeless shelter or volunteering in a soup kitchen (which I would still encourage as I believe these are very formative and worthwhile activities), or heck even just chuck on the news to watch the war in Ukraine, sheesh now that should provide a brutal contrast. But honestly, I think the key to gratitude is even way simpler than this – it’s sharing.

Like if I have something and give it (or part of it) away, a natural void is created, and in some cases a consequent longing. But to give, not only do you feel kind and like a provider, in a sense you’re actually tricking (?) your psyche into being a worthy and contributing human being. So, it’s like a double positive, you’re not only helping someone but you’re thankful that the void created had worth. Hence, it wasn’t competition that made you happy, it was contribution. Then in turn, the in-built lesson is to be grateful for what you can give. It’s a win win that focuses more on your kids becoming well-rounded bloody good humans – not entitled schmucks. Or, this is how I see it.

Anyhow, good on you for asking such a question. I’m not a parent, still I can imagine that it must be extraordinarily complex yet incredibly rewarding. A real balance between these social norms and pressures that I speak of while still trying to install a good values system. And honestly, I hope that my advice helps in just some little way – even if it’s just food for thought.

Oh hey, also as a random little tit bit of advice (which can totally be applied to gratitude), the thing I wish I knew when I was younger was how to “fully” acknowledge how an activity made me feel. Everything was a little bit beige. So, just as an idea (which could again help with gratitude), maybe try asking some questions to your kids around why they feel certain things are so important to them? How do they feel after a good meal or a shit one? Really try to emphasise the “feel” too, not think. You want to get them out of their head and into their heart, which funnily enough, this is also where the foundations of gratitude lay.

Eek, rambling. Sorry. Clear the screen.

Hope this helps.