12. Growing Apart From Friends

Q.

I’ve found myself growing apart from a few friends lately. These are friends I’ve had since high school and uni (in my early-forties now). I keep checking in with them because it’s hard to let go. But recently, it’s become clear that the effort is all one-sided. Do I just stop reaching out and let it be? I’m sad about this, but I do realize I’ve outgrown these relationships in many ways.

A.

Well to start with a bit of randomness, friends are a blessing, in fact they can be such a subtle blessing I think many people overlook their importance or can take them foregranted. Admittedly, this awareness can vary greatly from person to person, but what I’ve noticed, the more socially inept a person the greater value they place on friendships. Plus, this can lead to much deeper connections. Sorry, I just wanted to ramble a bit.

Anyhow, now to your situation, you know I think what you’re talking about here is very common. To use your words, many people “outgrow” each other and move on to different stages of life. Or to refer back to your scenario, friends from high school era tend to only be around for that time with the odd infrequent catch-up as the years go by. Now sure there are exceptions to this but in general this seems to be the case. Life goes on, we move in our own organic directions, we grow apart.

Now the thing I find most interesting about your question are the words “the effort is all one-sided.” To me this is the crux of your conundrum. Do you keep putting in the effort with very little pay-off? Do you take a break? But even deeper than that, what are you looking for? What is the pay-off?

I have my ideas of what they might be but I’ll leave this search up to you. And after you’ve come to your conclusions maybe ask yourself whether or not it’s worth pursuing. Oh look bugger it here’s my two cents… is this worth pursuing to essentially re-live that time of your life? I know for me personally, I love doing this sort of thing. However, I have found these moments to be very rare but that’s what makes them so special.